In the beginning, there was the Wall. The Wall was a vast, blank white brick patterned expanse covering the nothingness. Wielding a signature Stratocaster® with a soft “V” neck profile and TBX tone control carved out of a snail shell, Eric Clapton the axeman erupted from the depths of the Wall, causing bricks to shatter and scatter everywhere. Clapton then, literally, shredded the power-chords of every single song ever thought of, which caused rapid explosions to form stars, planets, and the universe out of the shards of brick from the busted Wall. As long as Clapton keeps playing, the universe stays alive. Clapton lives off of nothing but the juice of omnipotence (it is a great honor to be called “The Juice”, for it is the life force of Clapton, and Clapton is God).

Clapton chose the Earth, among other planets, to carry life and help echo the sound of music to the furthest reaches of the universe. Life evolved, and over time these perfect beings were refined under the influence of Clapton’s musical shreddings. Out of this evolution, humans emerged. Humans were able to carry the weight of Clapton’s duty to keep the universe alive by creating music of their own. Of course none of their music was as great as Clapton’s. Humans created different ways of expressing Clapton, the God, through blues, rock and roll, heavy metal, grunge, alternative rock, psychedelic, classical, pop rock, and so much more. Even the music of today is tolerated by the supreme being Clapton.

Clapton created other Gods: The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, and cat videos with weird techno music. These beings were formed by the original broken strings of Clapton’s guitar, and were placed on Earth to influence the masses and teach them of Clapton’s awesome power.

The pop stars of today were servants of Clapton. They fixed Clapton’s strings while he played so they could have a chance in the limelight on Earth. Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, and Ariana Grande were once Clapton’s guitar slaves, and will become the the strings on Clapton’s guitar after they have passed in their mortal life. Though it is a blessing to be touched by Clapton, the way he shreds his axe is much too violent for even galaxies, so being one of his strings is no easy task.

Soon, Clapton decided he should visit each planet he created, including Earth, and play a concert. When Clapton left, he gigged Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, Roger Waters, Ringo Starr, B.B King, and Cthulhu (the front man) to take over his previous job of keeping the universe alive. When Clapton came to Earth, no one knew he was the people’s God. He played with the Yardbirds, but soon became addicted to mortal pleasures. To clean himself, he disappeared for a year, practicing guitar every day. When he came back, Cream was formed. This legend was recorded on a subway wall, sparking the revelation of the coming of the last concert.