there are days spent laughing.

stepping backward and hunching forward,

twisting with laughter,

afraid to fall into each other but also afraid of

being too far apart.

these days of pushing and pulling and laughing

so hard we start to cry,

they are the ones that keep me going.

there are inside jokes between Keith and I and poking

fun at Cate that fill my gut with gold.

those are the days that smother the hours spent hollow yet heavy.

times that I struggle to make peace with the fact that I am real,

times that I don’t feel like I am real,

get drowned out in laughter and smiles.

oh god it feels so good to be in love with laughing again.

almost as if that belly laugh i emitted a little too loud could replace a prozac.

After sore hugs and bittersweet goodbyes,

i get in the car and my cheeks are sore from smiling and the giggles

I have stored in my cheek for later times in the middle of class,

the most inappropriate of times to laugh about a joke made days before.

this is it that pulls me through,

the sound of my friends laughter tied sweetly together

with rebellious late night adventures,

yelling relentlessly into the streets that we are alive

we made it this far.

we made it this far.

farther than we would have ever thought.

that our social anxiety can be covered by screams

into the sky and laughter in the moonlight.

we are in love with each other and our laughter.

a type of golden warmth no good grade could ever compare to.

i love my friends.