The Wildezine

Being Mixed

Olivia Murray, Guest Writer

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Sometimes I don’t feel black enough.

Writing those words down

Gives me the urge to say sorry to my father

But it’s true.

I don’t go to the black affinity group

Because “I’m busy during lunch”

Or “it’s the only free moment I have”

I say these things to make myself feel better

So instead of facing my feelings and guilt, I lie.

I lie because I can’t relate

I try so hard to relate

But I can’t.

I am confident, though,

That I am not white enough either.

Sometimes I struggle with being mixed.

It’s the best and worst

All at the same time.


I get a unique perspective.

One that I would not trade for the world

One that allows me to see a situation

Both from the point of view

Of a black person

And that

Of a white person

So in the truest form of the word

I get to be



I feel a constant,

External and internal,

Pressure to be more stereotypically

One race or the other.

It feels as if,

To me at least,

That anyone who is a mixed race role model

Identifies or is seen as one race

Tracee Ellis Ross – black

Jesse Williams – black

Tiger Woods – black

Barack Obama – black

I think that’s what confuses me

There has never been a person who has

Proudly, undeniably identified as mixed race.

One time someone asked me

“Why do you always point out the mixed people on TV?”

In the moment

I didn’t have an answer.

I now realize it’s the same reason

That black people are proud to see black

Actors, athletes, and presidents

Its because its rare to see someone

Who looks like or has a similar background

As you.

So I’m not sure I really need to feel black enough

Or white enough

I think I need to work towards feeling happy about

Being mixed.

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3 Responses to “Being Mixed”

  1. Steff Kerr on June 1st, 2017 9:51 am

    I love you, for being you!


  2. Taylor on June 1st, 2017 10:58 am

    First off I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading this and that I commend you for writing it, I feel like this exposes something that needs to be talked about and how race is something more than just the color of your skin.


  3. Ilene on June 9th, 2017 10:53 am

    You are brave for writing this and you will inspire others to share their insecurities and truths.


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The student news site of Sandy Spring Friends School
Being Mixed